For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.
Luke 9:24

okay, i can't keep it anymore longer.... circumstances force me to think about it all the time.

when i get up in the morning and read who else he calls hon... (and i'm not jealous, i'm just disappointed...)
when i listen to my roommates silly talks with her husband... (i'm not mad, just annoyed...)
when i'm in a tram in the morning, on the verge of crying 'cause of nothing... (i'm not hysterical, just immature...)
when i gotta learn damned ten layers of retina and when, despite all that effort, i'm still marked C at the test... (i don't wanna be genius, just successful sometimes...)
when i come home from school and all i'm supposed to do is sit down and study... (i'm not lazy, just aimless...)
when i walk through the city at the sunset and remember the time a year ago... (i'm not in love anymore, just sad about everything what happened...)

...

i think about leaving all the time.

it's always like that in spring. willing to take off, far far away. not to tell anyone. just get up one morning, look out of the window and leave. never ever talk to old friends again. start somewhere else. disappear. leave school in june. work all summer. apply to soas, leeds, whatever. go for it, please, please, please.

there's nothing i desire more than to pluck up courage for this.